Quote

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Funny
Harmonica
Play
Stick
Going
Sticks
Really
Fast
Way
Car
Window
Humor
Comedy
Harmonicas

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
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I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage.
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The other day, I was walking my dog around my building . . . on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
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At one point he decided enough was enough.
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When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
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I had my coat hangers spayed.
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?
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I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.
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I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'
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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
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A fool and his money are soon partying.
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The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
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I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
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Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
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The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.
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To the audience, it's like I'm changing the subject every five seconds, but to me, my show's almost like a 90-minute song that I know exactly. I wrote every note, and I know exactly where everything is.
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My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.
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