Quote

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Window
Humor
Comedy
Harmonicas
Funny
Harmonica
Play
Stick
Going
Sticks
Really
Fast
Way
Car

More quotes by Steven Wright

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The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.
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I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be.
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I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'
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I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.
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I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral report. I forced myself to deal with it and not dwell on the class in front of me - to keep a straight face, give the report and concentrate on getting it right. That's normally how I perform. That's how I am.
Steven Wright
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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Steven Wright
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When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.'
Steven Wright
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Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
Steven Wright
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For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
Steven Wright
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My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
Steven Wright
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
Steven Wright
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I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.
Steven Wright
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I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.
Steven Wright
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
Steven Wright
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Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in January and then I wouldn't have to eat again for the rest of the year, I would take it. Of course, I wouldn't want to sacrifice my chocolate cake and ice cream.
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I've never seen electricity, that's why I don't pay for it
Steven Wright
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I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.
Steven Wright
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Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'
Steven Wright
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I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I stood in line for some cake. They said, Do you want white cake or chocolate cake? I said, yes.
Steven Wright