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I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Clothes
Humor
Slinkies
Comedy
Escalator
Wonderful
Macy
Funny
Escalators
Girl
Buying
Putting
Mets
More quotes by Steven Wright
Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'
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If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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The best kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had.
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I had my coat hangers spayed.
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Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.
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You know the old joke, I went to the fights and a hockey game broke out.
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Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
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What a nice night for an evening.
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It's a fine night to have an evening.
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George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a lot of that album. I'd come home from school, put it on, and listen over and over. I started memorizing it. I don't even know why. I loved it so much I memorized it.
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Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
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I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.
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I can't stop thinking like this.
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The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.
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I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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I got a new dog. He's a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he's not sure what I threw him.
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.
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I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.
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