Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
Steven Wright
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Circular
Driveway
Neighbor
Humor
Comedy
Funny
More quotes by Steven Wright
There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person.
Steven Wright
Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at.
Steven Wright
My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
Steven Wright
The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.
Steven Wright
I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring.
Steven Wright
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Steven Wright
If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
Steven Wright
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Steven Wright
I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
Steven Wright
If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
Steven Wright
I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.
Steven Wright
It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
Steven Wright
Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
Steven Wright
I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.
Steven Wright
I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.
Steven Wright
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
Steven Wright
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Steven Wright
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
Steven Wright
I paint I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy.
Steven Wright
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
Steven Wright