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My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Circular
Driveway
Neighbor
Humor
Comedy
Funny
More quotes by Steven Wright
I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
Steven Wright
I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
Steven Wright
I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.
Steven Wright
Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.
Steven Wright
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Steven Wright
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Steven Wright
My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birth mark til he was eight years old.
Steven Wright
For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
Steven Wright
I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.
Steven Wright
Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.
Steven Wright
Is 'tired old cliché' one?
Steven Wright
I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'
Steven Wright
I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.
Steven Wright
Do fish get cramps after eating?
Steven Wright
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
Steven Wright
My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
Steven Wright
I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.
Steven Wright
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
Steven Wright
In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so I never have to go upstairs.
Steven Wright
When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.
Steven Wright
