Quote

I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Much
Bankers
Time
Banking
Bank
Hour
Saws
Humor
Hours
Funny

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
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A fool and his money are soon partying.
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One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.
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My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.
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My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
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Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
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I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be.
Steven Wright
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps
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I washed mud off of mud.
Steven Wright
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A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.
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I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is standing still.
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Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.
Steven Wright
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I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.
Steven Wright
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Having sex with her is incredible. It's just like a concert. We throw Frisbees around the room. And when she wants more she lights a match.
Steven Wright
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
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Why do banks charge you a non-sufficient funds fee on money they already know you don't have?
Steven Wright
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When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.
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The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
Steven Wright