Quote

I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Time
Banking
Bank
Hour
Saws
Humor
Hours
Funny
Much
Bankers

More quotes by Steven Wright

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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person.
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I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
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I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.
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Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'
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I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.
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When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
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My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I'll throw it at them.
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When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. When he gets older, I'd tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.
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What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
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I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is standing still.
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I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
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Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
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Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.
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The sign said eight items or less. So I changed my name to Les.
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I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.
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You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.
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You know the old joke, I went to the fights and a hockey game broke out.
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I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.
Steven Wright