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There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Yesterday
Escalators
Humor
Selflessness
Comedy
Trapped
Funny
Store
Power
Department
People
Stores
Twenty
Twenties
More quotes by Steven Wright
It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The bad stuff is extra-worse. The silences are extra-silent. The good stuff is amazing. It's electric when you walk out there. For 90 minutes, you're on this other planet.
Steven Wright
Hermits have no peer pressure.
Steven Wright
I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was Quote so the last thing I said before I died would be Unquote.
Steven Wright
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
Steven Wright
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Steven Wright
I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
Steven Wright
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
Steven Wright
I saw a close friend of mine the other day. . . . He said, Stephen, why haven't you called me? I said, I can't call everyone I want. My new phone has no five on it. He said, How long have you had it? I said, I don't know . . . my calendar has no sevens on it.
Steven Wright
I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
Steven Wright
I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
Steven Wright
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Steven Wright
Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?
Steven Wright
Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
Steven Wright
It's a fine night to have an evening.
Steven Wright
I have a fax machine with fax waiting.
Steven Wright
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Steven Wright
I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.
Steven Wright
To the audience, it's like I'm changing the subject every five seconds, but to me, my show's almost like a 90-minute song that I know exactly. I wrote every note, and I know exactly where everything is.
Steven Wright
I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.
Steven Wright
Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'
Steven Wright
