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There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
People
Stores
Twenty
Twenties
Yesterday
Escalators
Humor
Selflessness
Comedy
Trapped
Funny
Store
Power
Department
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I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it.
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I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot.
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I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral report. I forced myself to deal with it and not dwell on the class in front of me - to keep a straight face, give the report and concentrate on getting it right. That's normally how I perform. That's how I am.
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I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.
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Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
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I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass.
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Hermits have no peer pressure.
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Did you sleep well? No, I made a couple of mistakes.
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
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I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.
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In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
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You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
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It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
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I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
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I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
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