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There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Humor
Selflessness
Comedy
Trapped
Funny
Store
Power
Department
People
Stores
Twenty
Twenties
Yesterday
Escalators
More quotes by Steven Wright
I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
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I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage.
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The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
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Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
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If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
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I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
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I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
Steven Wright
I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still what I am doing. The end.
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I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way through elementary school, all the way through junior high, all the way through high school, through college and after college, I was thinking of the same kinds of things that I say in front of an audience now.
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You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.
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I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I stood in line for some cake. They said, Do you want white cake or chocolate cake? I said, yes.
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They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right.
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Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
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If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
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Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
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After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
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Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.
Steven Wright
