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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Walking
Streets
Humor
Eyeglasses
Comedy
Prescription
Funny
Prescriptions
Ran
Suddenly
Street
More quotes by Steven Wright
Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, Do I know you?
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If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
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I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
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The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
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I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.
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All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes.
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Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
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I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
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I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism to steal from many is research.
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I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
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Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.
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I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
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If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
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Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
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I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.
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If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
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What do batteries run on?
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When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
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