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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Walking
Streets
Humor
Eyeglasses
Comedy
Prescription
Funny
Prescriptions
Ran
Suddenly
Street
More quotes by Steven Wright
People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.
Steven Wright
I saw a close friend of mine the other day. . . . He said, Stephen, why haven't you called me? I said, I can't call everyone I want. My new phone has no five on it. He said, How long have you had it? I said, I don't know . . . my calendar has no sevens on it.
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
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I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.
Steven Wright
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
Steven Wright
I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.
Steven Wright
You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
Steven Wright
Why do banks charge you a non-sufficient funds fee on money they already know you don't have?
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Your honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?
Steven Wright
When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.
Steven Wright
Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'
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Women... can't live with 'em...... can't shoot 'em
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My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.
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I can't stop thinking like this.
Steven Wright
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Steven Wright
Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
Steven Wright
I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
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I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, 'Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile.' I spent last summer folding it. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, 'E6.
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I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
Steven Wright
I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
Steven Wright
