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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Ran
Suddenly
Street
Walking
Streets
Humor
Eyeglasses
Comedy
Prescription
Funny
Prescriptions

More quotes by Steven Wright

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Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
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I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.
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I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
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I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.
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The sign said eight items or less. So I changed my name to Les.
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Is 'tired old cliché' one?
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I took a baby shower.
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The things I talk about and explain couldn't happen - yet, they don't seem impossible - you could say I talk about the world in an abstract perspective. But then, the world is basically insane - and it's trying to pass itself off as being a sane place. I show it for what it is.
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Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
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If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
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You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.
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I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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I had my coat hangers spayed.
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If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
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If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
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I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot.
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When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's gonna be doing stuff that was influenced by me.' I was trying to get my five minutes together. So now that those people are comedians and they're influenced by me - it's bizarre.
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The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys. I started the house up. So, I drove it around for a while. I was speeding, and a cop pulled me over. He asked where I lived. I said, Right here, officer.
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