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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Funny
Prescriptions
Ran
Suddenly
Street
Walking
Streets
Humor
Eyeglasses
Comedy
Prescription

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The other day, I was walking my dog around my building . . . on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
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My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.
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I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'
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Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
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If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them
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It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
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I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I stood in line for some cake. They said, Do you want white cake or chocolate cake? I said, yes.
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I saw a want ad. light housekeeping. They said Here, change this bulb. I said I'll need some friends.
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Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?
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In hindsight, I realized I could see into the future. Which is kind of like having premonitions of flashbacks.
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You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
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