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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Walking
Streets
Humor
Eyeglasses
Comedy
Prescription
Funny
Prescriptions
Ran
Suddenly
Street
More quotes by Steven Wright
Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
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Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
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My girlfriend's weird. One day she asked me, 'If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?' I said, 'No.' She said, 'Okay, forget it.
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You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.
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Hermits have no peer pressure.
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.
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If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
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I collect rare photographs... I have two... One of Houdini locking his keys in his car... the other is a rare picture of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
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My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birth mark til he was eight years old.
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While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: Do I know you?
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I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.
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I had amnesia once or twice.
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If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
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I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
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Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
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When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
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To the audience, it's like I'm changing the subject every five seconds, but to me, my show's almost like a 90-minute song that I know exactly. I wrote every note, and I know exactly where everything is.
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