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Hermits have no peer pressure.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Peer
Peers
Solitude
Pressure
Humor
Funny
Hermits

More quotes by Steven Wright

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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.
Steven Wright
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I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
Steven Wright
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I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.
Steven Wright
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I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
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I washed mud off of mud.
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I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
Steven Wright
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My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
Steven Wright
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I turned my air conditioner the other way around and it got cold out. The weatherman said 'I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today.' I said, oops
Steven Wright
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People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do.
Steven Wright
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Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
Steven Wright
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My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
Steven Wright
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The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.
Steven Wright
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell
Steven Wright
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A fool and his money are soon partying.
Steven Wright
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
Steven Wright
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I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.
Steven Wright
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I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
Steven Wright
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Do you have any toy train schedules?
Steven Wright
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Did you sleep well? No, I made a couple of mistakes.
Steven Wright