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Hermits have no peer pressure.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Peers
Solitude
Pressure
Humor
Funny
Hermits
Peer

More quotes by Steven Wright

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When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
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I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, 'Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile.' I spent last summer folding it. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, 'E6.
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I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
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I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.
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To the audience, it's like I'm changing the subject every five seconds, but to me, my show's almost like a 90-minute song that I know exactly. I wrote every note, and I know exactly where everything is.
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.
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I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.
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I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still what I am doing. The end.
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I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
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Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
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Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as '4's'?
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I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
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I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads.
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If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
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A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
Steven Wright
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I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
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Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
Steven Wright