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I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Funny
Business
Subliminal
Executive
Executives
Advertising
Saws
Second
Humor

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I paint I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy.
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Your honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?
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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
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One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.
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I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.
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I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.
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I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
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George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
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If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?
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The best kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had.
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The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
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I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
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I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
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You know the old joke, I went to the fights and a hockey game broke out.
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When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
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Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, Do I know you?
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I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went Aaaaahhhh...
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