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I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Business
Subliminal
Executive
Executives
Advertising
Saws
Second
Humor
Funny

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
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I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
Steven Wright
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Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'
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Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.
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Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.
Steven Wright
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I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
Steven Wright
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My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.
Steven Wright
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A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.
Steven Wright
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Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Steven Wright
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The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
Steven Wright
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The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
Steven Wright
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I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral report. I forced myself to deal with it and not dwell on the class in front of me - to keep a straight face, give the report and concentrate on getting it right. That's normally how I perform. That's how I am.
Steven Wright
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Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'
Steven Wright
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always remember your unique, just like everone else
Steven Wright
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I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.
Steven Wright
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When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
Steven Wright
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If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
Steven Wright
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
Steven Wright