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I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Funny
Business
Subliminal
Executive
Executives
Advertising
Saws
Second
Humor

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
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The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
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I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
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Having sex with her is incredible. It's just like a concert. We throw Frisbees around the room. And when she wants more she lights a match.
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My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
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I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.
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I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.
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I took a baby shower.
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I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
Steven Wright
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and forced. I just live my life, and I see things in a word or a situation or a concept, and it will create a joke for me.
Steven Wright
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If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
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My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.
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I saw a sign at a gas station. It said 'help wanted'. There was another sign below it that said 'self service'. So I hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave myself a raise. I paid myself. Then I quit.
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The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.
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I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it.
Steven Wright
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I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
Steven Wright
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You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.
Steven Wright
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When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
Steven Wright