Quote

I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Cups
Asked
Humor
Comedy
Went
Borrow
Funny
Bank
Money
Going
Sugar

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I have a fax machine with fax waiting.
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My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
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The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
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Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
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My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.
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The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys. I started the house up. So, I drove it around for a while. I was speeding, and a cop pulled me over. He asked where I lived. I said, Right here, officer.
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I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it.
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I've never seen electricity, that's why I don't pay for it
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It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
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Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
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I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.
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Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at.
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I was always making my friends laugh but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.
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