Quote

I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Money
Bank
Going
Sugar
Cups
Asked
Humor
Comedy
Went
Funny
Borrow

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I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
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Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
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Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
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always remember your unique, just like everone else
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I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass.
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I had amnesia once or twice.
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Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
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I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.
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I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
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I washed mud off of mud.
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
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I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather. The team scored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He thought they scored another one. I was gonna tell him, but I figured the game HE was watching was better.
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A fool and his money are soon partying.
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I took a baby shower.
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The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.
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The things I talk about and explain couldn't happen - yet, they don't seem impossible - you could say I talk about the world in an abstract perspective. But then, the world is basically insane - and it's trying to pass itself off as being a sane place. I show it for what it is.
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If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
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I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.
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