Quote

I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Going
Sugar
Cups
Asked
Humor
Comedy
Went
Funny
Borrow
Money
Bank

More quotes by Steven Wright

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Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.
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Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
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I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, 'Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile.' I spent last summer folding it. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, 'E6.
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
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What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
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I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.
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I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
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Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram.
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Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
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I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turns to the other and says, See, that's how it's done.
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I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.
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I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
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I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.
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I saw a sign: Rest Area 25 Miles. That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.
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In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so I never have to go upstairs.
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps
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I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
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OK, so what's the speed of dark?
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If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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