Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
Steven Wright
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Fall
Night
Asleep
Hands
Falls
Humor
Comedy
Hand
Funny
Hate
More quotes by Steven Wright
Hermits have no peer pressure.
Steven Wright
I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'
Steven Wright
What do batteries run on?
Steven Wright
I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.
Steven Wright
The best kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had.
Steven Wright
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Steven Wright
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
Steven Wright
Do you have any toy train schedules?
Steven Wright
I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.
Steven Wright
The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.
Steven Wright
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Steven Wright
Your honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?
Steven Wright
You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.
Steven Wright
To the audience, it's like I'm changing the subject every five seconds, but to me, my show's almost like a 90-minute song that I know exactly. I wrote every note, and I know exactly where everything is.
Steven Wright
I have a fax machine with fax waiting.
Steven Wright
Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?
Steven Wright
I washed mud off of mud.
Steven Wright
I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather. The team scored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He thought they scored another one. I was gonna tell him, but I figured the game HE was watching was better.
Steven Wright
I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.
Steven Wright
Did you sleep well? No, I made a couple of mistakes.
Steven Wright