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I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Funny
Tires
Dizzy
Tire
Driving
Car
Humor
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More quotes by Steven Wright
The best kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had.
Steven Wright
The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.
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Very rarely do I talk off the top of my head on stage. I'm not an improv guy. I'm a writer-guy who presents what he's written.
Steven Wright
When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.
Steven Wright
I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.
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If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
Steven Wright
I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
Steven Wright
I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
Steven Wright
I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.
Steven Wright
I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
Steven Wright
Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
Steven Wright
I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
Steven Wright
I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.
Steven Wright
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
Steven Wright
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
Steven Wright
I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.
Steven Wright
I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
Steven Wright
I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be.
Steven Wright
I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring.
Steven Wright
Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
Steven Wright
