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I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Humor
Stop
Funny
Tires
Dizzy
Tire
Driving
Car
More quotes by Steven Wright
I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
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If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
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The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
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Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
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I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.
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I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
Steven Wright
If God dropped acid, would he see people?
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Is 'tired old cliché' one?
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way through elementary school, all the way through junior high, all the way through high school, through college and after college, I was thinking of the same kinds of things that I say in front of an audience now.
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I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
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If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
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In hindsight, I realized I could see into the future. Which is kind of like having premonitions of flashbacks.
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Why do banks charge you a non-sufficient funds fee on money they already know you don't have?
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While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: Do I know you?
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In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
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