Quote

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

Steven Wright

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Stop
Funny
Tires
Dizzy
Tire
Driving
Car
Humor

More quotes by Steven Wright

Image
I turned my air conditioner the other way around and it got cold out. The weatherman said 'I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today.' I said, oops
Steven Wright
Image
Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
Steven Wright
Image
I had my coat hangers spayed.
Steven Wright
Image
They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge.
Steven Wright
Image
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
Steven Wright
Image
When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. When he gets older, I'd tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.
Steven Wright
Image
The sign said eight items or less. So I changed my name to Les.
Steven Wright
Image
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Steven Wright
Image
I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.
Steven Wright
Image
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Steven Wright
Image
My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
Steven Wright
Image
I saw a sign at a gas station. It said 'help wanted'. There was another sign below it that said 'self service'. So I hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave myself a raise. I paid myself. Then I quit.
Steven Wright
Image
Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
Steven Wright
Image
I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
Steven Wright
Image
In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
Steven Wright
Image
Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
Steven Wright
Image
Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
Steven Wright
Image
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
Steven Wright
Image
If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
Steven Wright
Image
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
Steven Wright