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Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Weird

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way through elementary school, all the way through junior high, all the way through high school, through college and after college, I was thinking of the same kinds of things that I say in front of an audience now.
Steven Wright
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
Steven Wright
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I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
Steven Wright
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I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.
Steven Wright
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Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
Steven Wright
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When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's gonna be doing stuff that was influenced by me.' I was trying to get my five minutes together. So now that those people are comedians and they're influenced by me - it's bizarre.
Steven Wright
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Is it possible to be totally partial?
Steven Wright
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OK, so what's the speed of dark?
Steven Wright
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I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
Steven Wright
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My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.
Steven Wright
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I have all the emotions that everyone has it just appears that I don't.
Steven Wright
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I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.
Steven Wright
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
Steven Wright
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Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Steven Wright
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Imagine Pulitzer prizefighting.
Steven Wright
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I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
Steven Wright
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When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Steven Wright
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I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.
Steven Wright
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What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
Steven Wright
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I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
Steven Wright