Quote

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Last
Letter
Funny
Hotel
Night
Sent
Really
Wake
Letters
Humor
Comedy
Hospitality
Lasts
Stayed

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I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
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George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
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Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
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I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'
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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
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Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
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If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
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I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for three years before I even got on 'The Tonight Show.' There's truly nothing like it it's intense and exhilarating, even though it looks so casual.
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I took a baby shower.
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Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
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I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
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What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
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I paint I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy.
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Your honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?
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Day One: Still tired from the move.
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I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.
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Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
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I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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