Quote

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Humor
Comedy
Hospitality
Lasts
Stayed
Letter
Last
Hotel
Funny
Sent
Night
Wake
Really
Letters

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.
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I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.
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I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart.
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Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at.
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George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a lot of that album. I'd come home from school, put it on, and listen over and over. I started memorizing it. I don't even know why. I loved it so much I memorized it.
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When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
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Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'
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So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I'm dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over.
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My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
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I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
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I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.
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Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what it was.
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it.
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When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
Steven Wright
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If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
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All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.
Steven Wright