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I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Night
Sent
Really
Wake
Letters
Humor
Comedy
Hospitality
Lasts
Stayed
Last
Letter
Funny
Hotel

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I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turns to the other and says, See, that's how it's done.
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Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
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The sign said eight items or less. So I changed my name to Les.
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If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?
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They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right.
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A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.
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I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
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I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
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Did you sleep well? No, I made a couple of mistakes.
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I was always making my friends laugh but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.
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Is it possible to be totally partial?
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I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
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I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.
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