Quote

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Humor
Comedy
Hospitality
Lasts
Stayed
Last
Letter
Funny
Hotel
Night
Sent
Really
Wake
Letters

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.
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The other day, I was walking my dog around my building . . . on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
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My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.
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I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.
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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
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When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.
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If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
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I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.
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They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right.
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Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.
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I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.
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I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather. The team scored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He thought they scored another one. I was gonna tell him, but I figured the game HE was watching was better.
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I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turns to the other and says, See, that's how it's done.
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I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
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I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.
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If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them
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I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
Steven Wright