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If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Use
Going
Would
Mime
Shoot
Humor
Comedy
Funny

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Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
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I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell
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If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
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One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.
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If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.
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Hermits have no peer pressure.
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I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage.
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I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
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Why do banks charge you a non-sufficient funds fee on money they already know you don't have?
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Snakes have no arms. That's why they don't wear vests.
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I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.
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You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.
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If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them
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I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
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