Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
Steven Wright
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Humor
Comedy
Funny
Use
Going
Would
Mime
Shoot
More quotes by Steven Wright
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.
Steven Wright
I paint I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy.
Steven Wright
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Steven Wright
Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
Steven Wright
I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring.
Steven Wright
In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
Steven Wright
I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
Steven Wright
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
Steven Wright
I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.
Steven Wright
When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's gonna be doing stuff that was influenced by me.' I was trying to get my five minutes together. So now that those people are comedians and they're influenced by me - it's bizarre.
Steven Wright
I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
Steven Wright
Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
Steven Wright
I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.
Steven Wright
Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at.
Steven Wright
If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.
Steven Wright
There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
Steven Wright
My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.
Steven Wright
I can't stop thinking like this.
Steven Wright
I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart.
Steven Wright
While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: Do I know you?
Steven Wright
