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If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Going
Would
Mime
Shoot
Humor
Comedy
Funny
Use

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Why do banks charge you a non-sufficient funds fee on money they already know you don't have?
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If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them
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I had amnesia once or twice.
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Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
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I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'
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I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.
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When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.
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I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
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They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge.
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I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
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Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'
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If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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Do fish get cramps after eating?
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I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.
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There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person.
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