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Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Lasts
Using
Angling
Last
Caught
Fisherman
Funny
Sea
Lakes
Every
Line
Fishing
Years
Humor
Fish
Went
Fishes
Dali
Lines
Boat
Dotted
Year
Rivers
Salvador
More quotes by Steven Wright
I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I stood in line for some cake. They said, Do you want white cake or chocolate cake? I said, yes.
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I have all the emotions that everyone has it just appears that I don't.
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If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?
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Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in January and then I wouldn't have to eat again for the rest of the year, I would take it. Of course, I wouldn't want to sacrifice my chocolate cake and ice cream.
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I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.
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When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
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I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.
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What a nice night for an evening.
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I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.
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If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
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I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.
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I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
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I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.
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My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.
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My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
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I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
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I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be.
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There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
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When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. When he gets older, I'd tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.
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One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.
Steven Wright
