Quote

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Years
Humor
Fish
Went
Fishes
Dali
Lines
Boat
Dotted
Year
Rivers
Salvador
Lasts
Using
Angling
Last
Caught
Fisherman
Funny
Sea
Lakes
Every
Line
Fishing

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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
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I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it.
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Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
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When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's gonna be doing stuff that was influenced by me.' I was trying to get my five minutes together. So now that those people are comedians and they're influenced by me - it's bizarre.
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I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
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There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person.
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I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads.
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I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'
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I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.
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I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.
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I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
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