Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
Steven Wright
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Years
Humor
Fish
Went
Fishes
Dali
Lines
Boat
Dotted
Year
Rivers
Salvador
Lasts
Using
Angling
Last
Caught
Fisherman
Funny
Sea
Lakes
Every
Line
Fishing
More quotes by Steven Wright
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
Steven Wright
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Steven Wright
A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.
Steven Wright
If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell
Steven Wright
Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
Steven Wright
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism to steal from many is research.
Steven Wright
I was always making my friends laugh but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.
Steven Wright
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Steven Wright
Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
Steven Wright
I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I stood in line for some cake. They said, Do you want white cake or chocolate cake? I said, yes.
Steven Wright
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
Steven Wright
I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.
Steven Wright
A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.
Steven Wright
What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
Steven Wright
I saw a close friend of mine the other day. . . . He said, Stephen, why haven't you called me? I said, I can't call everyone I want. My new phone has no five on it. He said, How long have you had it? I said, I don't know . . . my calendar has no sevens on it.
Steven Wright
I paint I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy.
Steven Wright
Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'
Steven Wright
I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring.
Steven Wright
One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.
Steven Wright
I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for three years before I even got on 'The Tonight Show.' There's truly nothing like it it's intense and exhilarating, even though it looks so casual.
Steven Wright
