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Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Went
Fishes
Dali
Lines
Boat
Dotted
Year
Rivers
Salvador
Lasts
Using
Angling
Last
Caught
Fisherman
Funny
Sea
Lakes
Every
Line
Fishing
Years
Humor
Fish
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They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge.
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I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
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My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
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I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'
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Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as '4's'?
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I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.
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I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.
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I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'
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I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.
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I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
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I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way through elementary school, all the way through junior high, all the way through high school, through college and after college, I was thinking of the same kinds of things that I say in front of an audience now.
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You know the old joke, I went to the fights and a hockey game broke out.
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Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
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