Quote

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Looks
Lights
Like
Replaced
Car
Humor
Comedy
Funny
Moving
Strobe
Light
Headlights

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I bought some powdered water, but I don’t know what to add.
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The best kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had.
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I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart.
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I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
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I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for three years before I even got on 'The Tonight Show.' There's truly nothing like it it's intense and exhilarating, even though it looks so casual.
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Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
Steven Wright
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I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
Steven Wright
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One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.
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I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
Steven Wright
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I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turns to the other and says, See, that's how it's done.
Steven Wright
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I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
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I took a baby shower.
Steven Wright
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I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.
Steven Wright
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It's a fine night to have an evening.
Steven Wright
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I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
Steven Wright
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If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
Steven Wright
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
Steven Wright
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My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.
Steven Wright
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If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Steven Wright
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I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.
Steven Wright