Quote

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Car
Humor
Comedy
Funny
Moving
Strobe
Light
Headlights
Looks
Lights
Like
Replaced

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
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Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as '4's'?
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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
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I had amnesia once or twice.
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I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
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I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'
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I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
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Does fuzzy logic tickle?
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
Steven Wright
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Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
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I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it.
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I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.
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I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.
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If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them
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I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
Steven Wright
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I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.
Steven Wright
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I took a baby shower.
Steven Wright
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I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store and said, Give me another ten guppies, I got a lot of calls yesterday.
Steven Wright