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It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Humor
Rooms
Comedy
Funny
Doesn
Matter
Always
Temperature
Room

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.
Steven Wright
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You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.
Steven Wright
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If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
Steven Wright
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I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.
Steven Wright
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I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.
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I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, 'Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile.' I spent last summer folding it. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, 'E6.
Steven Wright
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I turned my air conditioner the other way around and it got cold out. The weatherman said 'I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today.' I said, oops
Steven Wright
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You know the old joke, I went to the fights and a hockey game broke out.
Steven Wright
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After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
Steven Wright
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I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.
Steven Wright
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One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.
Steven Wright
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Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Steven Wright
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When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Steven Wright
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I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
Steven Wright
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Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Steven Wright
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I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be.
Steven Wright
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Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
Steven Wright
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'
Steven Wright
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When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.
Steven Wright
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Did you sleep well? No, I made a couple of mistakes.
Steven Wright