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It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Humor
Rooms
Comedy
Funny
Doesn
Matter
Always
Temperature
Room
More quotes by Steven Wright
Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read.
Steven Wright
I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral report. I forced myself to deal with it and not dwell on the class in front of me - to keep a straight face, give the report and concentrate on getting it right. That's normally how I perform. That's how I am.
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I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
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Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what it was.
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The sign said eight items or less. So I changed my name to Les.
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In hindsight, I realized I could see into the future. Which is kind of like having premonitions of flashbacks.
Steven Wright
I turned my air conditioner the other way around and it got cold out. The weatherman said 'I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today.' I said, oops
Steven Wright
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
Steven Wright
The best kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had.
Steven Wright
If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
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I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
Steven Wright
I'm so hyper. (said with a very dull voice>
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I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
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I got an answering machine for my phone. . . . Now, when I'm not home and somebody calls me up . . . they hear a recording of a busy signal.
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I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person.
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I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
Steven Wright
I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
Steven Wright
If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Steven Wright
If God dropped acid, would he see people?
Steven Wright
