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It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Humor
Rooms
Comedy
Funny
Doesn
Matter
Always
Temperature
Room

More quotes by Steven Wright

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If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
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Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as '4's'?
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I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'
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When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
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Very rarely do I talk off the top of my head on stage. I'm not an improv guy. I'm a writer-guy who presents what he's written.
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I saw a sign: Rest Area 25 Miles. That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.
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When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
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I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
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I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
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I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral report. I forced myself to deal with it and not dwell on the class in front of me - to keep a straight face, give the report and concentrate on getting it right. That's normally how I perform. That's how I am.
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.
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The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.
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George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a lot of that album. I'd come home from school, put it on, and listen over and over. I started memorizing it. I don't even know why. I loved it so much I memorized it.
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I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
Steven Wright
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I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
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You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.
Steven Wright