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In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Considered
Argument
Number
Roulette
Numbers
Vegas
Long
Wheel
Men
Gambling
Odd
Wheels
More quotes by Steven Wright
Did you sleep well? No, I made a couple of mistakes.
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I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass.
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I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
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I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads.
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If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
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I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.
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I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.
Steven Wright
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
Steven Wright
Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?
Steven Wright
When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
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The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
Steven Wright
Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
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I saw a want ad. light housekeeping. They said Here, change this bulb. I said I'll need some friends.
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I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store and said, Give me another ten guppies, I got a lot of calls yesterday.
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Hermits have no peer pressure.
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There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person.
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My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
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I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
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Do fish get cramps after eating?
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When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
Steven Wright
