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If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Nobody
Humor
Comedy
Laughs
Funny
Forest
Tell
Joke
Forests
Jokes
Laughing
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I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.
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Your honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?
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I washed mud off of mud.
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One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.
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Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in January and then I wouldn't have to eat again for the rest of the year, I would take it. Of course, I wouldn't want to sacrifice my chocolate cake and ice cream.
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OK, so what's the speed of dark?
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I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
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I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.
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I got a new dog. He's a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he's not sure what I threw him.
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George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
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You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.
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Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.
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I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.
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I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.
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I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.
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