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If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Nobody
Humor
Laughs
Comedy
Forest
Funny
Joke
Tell
Forests
Jokes
Laughing
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It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
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Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.
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I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
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Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.
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Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
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What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
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The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
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I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, 'Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile.' I spent last summer folding it. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, 'E6.
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If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
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Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
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My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.
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If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.
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If God dropped acid, would he see people?
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Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
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George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a lot of that album. I'd come home from school, put it on, and listen over and over. I started memorizing it. I don't even know why. I loved it so much I memorized it.
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
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When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
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