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If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Laughing
Nobody
Humor
Comedy
Laughs
Funny
Forest
Tell
Joke
Forests
Jokes
More quotes by Steven Wright
I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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I saw a sign at a gas station. It said 'help wanted'. There was another sign below it that said 'self service'. So I hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave myself a raise. I paid myself. Then I quit.
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Imagine Pulitzer prizefighting.
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I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.
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My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
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If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
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I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
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You know the old joke, I went to the fights and a hockey game broke out.
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I saw a want ad. light housekeeping. They said Here, change this bulb. I said I'll need some friends.
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What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell
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I paint I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy.
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I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.
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I washed mud off of mud.
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My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
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I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.
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If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them
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Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
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There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person.
Steven Wright
