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If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Nobody
Humor
Comedy
Laughs
Funny
Forest
Tell
Joke
Forests
Jokes
Laughing
More quotes by Steven Wright
Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?
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I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store and said, Give me another ten guppies, I got a lot of calls yesterday.
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I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
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I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'
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In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
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I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
Steven Wright
I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.
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I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.
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My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
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You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.
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Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.
Steven Wright
I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
Steven Wright
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
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My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
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I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
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I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart.
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Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
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Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as '4's'?
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