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If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Comedy
Laughs
Funny
Forest
Tell
Joke
Forests
Jokes
Laughing
Nobody
Humor
More quotes by Steven Wright
I saw a close friend of mine the other day. . . . He said, Stephen, why haven't you called me? I said, I can't call everyone I want. My new phone has no five on it. He said, How long have you had it? I said, I don't know . . . my calendar has no sevens on it.
Steven Wright
I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart.
Steven Wright
It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The bad stuff is extra-worse. The silences are extra-silent. The good stuff is amazing. It's electric when you walk out there. For 90 minutes, you're on this other planet.
Steven Wright
I washed mud off of mud.
Steven Wright
At one point he decided enough was enough.
Steven Wright
I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
Steven Wright
I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.
Steven Wright
My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.
Steven Wright
I've never seen electricity, that's why I don't pay for it
Steven Wright
Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
Steven Wright
So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I'm dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over.
Steven Wright
If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them
Steven Wright
I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot.
Steven Wright
My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.
Steven Wright
I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still what I am doing. The end.
Steven Wright
I turned my air conditioner the other way around and it got cold out. The weatherman said 'I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today.' I said, oops
Steven Wright
Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
Steven Wright
If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
Steven Wright
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Steven Wright
My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.
Steven Wright
