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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Little
Boxes
Children
Eventually
Humor
Comedy
Child
Funny
Kids
Quicksand
Littles
Sand

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It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
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If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
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I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.
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I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.
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Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
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Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
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If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
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I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way through elementary school, all the way through junior high, all the way through high school, through college and after college, I was thinking of the same kinds of things that I say in front of an audience now.
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If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
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Your honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?
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Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
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Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
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I took a baby shower.
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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
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I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.
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I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
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Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
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I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart.
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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
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Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
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