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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Funny
Kids
Quicksand
Littles
Sand
Little
Boxes
Children
Eventually
Humor
Comedy
Child
More quotes by Steven Wright
I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and forced. I just live my life, and I see things in a word or a situation or a concept, and it will create a joke for me.
Steven Wright
My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
Steven Wright
I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.
Steven Wright
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
Steven Wright
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
Steven Wright
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
Steven Wright
I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.
Steven Wright
What do batteries run on?
Steven Wright
Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
Steven Wright
If God dropped acid, would he see people?
Steven Wright
I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
Steven Wright
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Steven Wright
I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
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I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.
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If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
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Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
Steven Wright
When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. When he gets older, I'd tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.
Steven Wright
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Steven Wright
I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
Steven Wright
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Steven Wright
