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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Humor
Comedy
Child
Funny
Quicksand
Kids
Sand
Littles
Boxes
Little
Children
Eventually
More quotes by Steven Wright
I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
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I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.
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At one point he decided enough was enough.
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The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.
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If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
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I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.
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I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
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Everything is within walking distance, as long as you have time.
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My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell
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A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.
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I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.
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I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.
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Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
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Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read.
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I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.
Steven Wright
