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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Funny
Kids
Quicksand
Littles
Sand
Little
Boxes
Children
Eventually
Humor
Comedy
Child
More quotes by Steven Wright
I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
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Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
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Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in January and then I wouldn't have to eat again for the rest of the year, I would take it. Of course, I wouldn't want to sacrifice my chocolate cake and ice cream.
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You know the old joke, I went to the fights and a hockey game broke out.
Steven Wright
I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was Quote so the last thing I said before I died would be Unquote.
Steven Wright
They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right.
Steven Wright
I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
Steven Wright
My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.
Steven Wright
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
Steven Wright
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as '4's'?
Steven Wright
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
Steven Wright
While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: Do I know you?
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I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.
Steven Wright
I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.
Steven Wright
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Steven Wright
One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.
Steven Wright
George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
Steven Wright
If God dropped acid, would he see people?
Steven Wright
I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
Steven Wright
