Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
Steven Wright
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Eventually
Children
Humor
Comedy
Child
Funny
Quicksand
Kids
Sand
Littles
Boxes
Little
More quotes by Steven Wright
I saw a sign at a gas station. It said 'help wanted'. There was another sign below it that said 'self service'. So I hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave myself a raise. I paid myself. Then I quit.
Steven Wright
always remember your unique, just like everone else
Steven Wright
I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot.
Steven Wright
I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.
Steven Wright
I saw a close friend of mine the other day. . . . He said, Stephen, why haven't you called me? I said, I can't call everyone I want. My new phone has no five on it. He said, How long have you had it? I said, I don't know . . . my calendar has no sevens on it.
Steven Wright
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Steven Wright
My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
Steven Wright
I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.
Steven Wright
I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
Steven Wright
It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
Steven Wright
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
Steven Wright
Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.
Steven Wright
I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.
Steven Wright
I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.
Steven Wright
They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge.
Steven Wright
I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.
Steven Wright
If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.
Steven Wright
Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
Steven Wright
I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, I think I might have written that.
Steven Wright
People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.
Steven Wright
