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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Child
Funny
Kids
Quicksand
Littles
Sand
Little
Boxes
Children
Eventually
Humor
Comedy
More quotes by Steven Wright
When I was a fetus, I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping. I figured I should start stealing stuff while I still had no fingerprints.
Steven Wright
The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.
Steven Wright
The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
Steven Wright
I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.
Steven Wright
I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be.
Steven Wright
I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
Steven Wright
I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring.
Steven Wright
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Steven Wright
I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
Steven Wright
I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
Steven Wright
I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.
Steven Wright
My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.
Steven Wright
I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.
Steven Wright
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps
Steven Wright
I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
Steven Wright
My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.
Steven Wright
Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
Steven Wright
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Steven Wright
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Steven Wright
I washed mud off of mud.
Steven Wright
