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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Children
Eventually
Humor
Comedy
Child
Funny
Kids
Quicksand
Littles
Sand
Little
Boxes
More quotes by Steven Wright
Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?
Steven Wright
Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
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I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.
Steven Wright
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
Steven Wright
One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.
Steven Wright
If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Steven Wright
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
Steven Wright
I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring.
Steven Wright
I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
Steven Wright
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Steven Wright
I bought some powdered water, but I don’t know what to add.
Steven Wright
There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person.
Steven Wright
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
Steven Wright
I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.
Steven Wright
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Steven Wright
I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.
Steven Wright
My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
Steven Wright
Is 'tired old cliché' one?
Steven Wright
If God dropped acid, would he see people?
Steven Wright
I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.
Steven Wright
