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It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Comedy
Small
Funny
Work
World
Paint
Wouldn
Humor

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, 'Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile.' I spent last summer folding it. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, 'E6.
Steven Wright
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Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
Steven Wright
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Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Steven Wright
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While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: Do I know you?
Steven Wright
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I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
Steven Wright
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For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
Steven Wright
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Did you sleep well? No, I made a couple of mistakes.
Steven Wright
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The other day, I was walking my dog around my building . . . on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
Steven Wright
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My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.
Steven Wright
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The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.
Steven Wright
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I took a baby shower.
Steven Wright
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Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
Steven Wright
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Day One: Still tired from the move.
Steven Wright
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Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
Steven Wright
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My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
Steven Wright
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I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
Steven Wright
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I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.
Steven Wright
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I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
Steven Wright
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You know the old joke, I went to the fights and a hockey game broke out.
Steven Wright
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I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
Steven Wright