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It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Small
Funny
Work
World
Paint
Wouldn
Humor
Comedy

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'
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I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.
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Do you have any toy train schedules?
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I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
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Day One: Still tired from the move.
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There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
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I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.
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Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.
Steven Wright
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I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.
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I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
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Is 'tired old cliché' one?
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A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.
Steven Wright
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Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
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Is it possible to be totally partial?
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Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
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The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
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I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Steven Wright
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I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
Steven Wright