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It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Paint
Wouldn
Humor
Comedy
Small
Funny
Work
World

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.
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I saw a sign at a gas station. It said 'help wanted'. There was another sign below it that said 'self service'. So I hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave myself a raise. I paid myself. Then I quit.
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I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
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always remember your unique, just like everone else
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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I was always making my friends laugh but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.
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When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
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If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
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I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.
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Imagine Pulitzer prizefighting.
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I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.
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Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
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Everything is within walking distance, as long as you have time.
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The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.
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I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
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My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birth mark til he was eight years old.
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
Steven Wright