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It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Paint
Wouldn
Humor
Comedy
Small
Funny
Work
World
More quotes by Steven Wright
I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
Steven Wright
I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
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My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
Steven Wright
I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.
Steven Wright
I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.
Steven Wright
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
Steven Wright
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Steven Wright
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Steven Wright
What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
Steven Wright
I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
Steven Wright
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.
Steven Wright
I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
Steven Wright
I'm so hyper. (said with a very dull voice>
Steven Wright
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Steven Wright
I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.
Steven Wright
It's a fine night to have an evening.
Steven Wright
Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'
Steven Wright
I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is standing still.
Steven Wright
If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them
Steven Wright
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Steven Wright
