Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
Steven Wright
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Small
Funny
Work
World
Paint
Wouldn
Humor
Comedy
More quotes by Steven Wright
I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
Steven Wright
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
Steven Wright
I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.
Steven Wright
What a nice night for an evening.
Steven Wright
I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.
Steven Wright
It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
Steven Wright
I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.
Steven Wright
I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
Steven Wright
The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys. I started the house up. So, I drove it around for a while. I was speeding, and a cop pulled me over. He asked where I lived. I said, Right here, officer.
Steven Wright
If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
Steven Wright
I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.
Steven Wright
If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
Steven Wright
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Steven Wright
I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.
Steven Wright
When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.
Steven Wright
When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.
Steven Wright
Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
Steven Wright
In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
Steven Wright
I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.
Steven Wright
I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'
Steven Wright
