Quote

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

Steven Wright

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Small
Funny
Work
World
Paint
Wouldn
Humor
Comedy

More quotes by Steven Wright

Image
I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
Steven Wright
Image
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Steven Wright
Image
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
Steven Wright
Image
When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.'
Steven Wright
Image
A fool and his money are soon partying.
Steven Wright
Image
When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.
Steven Wright
Image
Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
Steven Wright
Image
Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.
Steven Wright
Image
I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.
Steven Wright
Image
My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
Steven Wright
Image
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
Steven Wright
Image
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Steven Wright
Image
You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
Steven Wright
Image
The sign said eight items or less. So I changed my name to Les.
Steven Wright
Image
I saw a close friend of mine the other day. . . . He said, Stephen, why haven't you called me? I said, I can't call everyone I want. My new phone has no five on it. He said, How long have you had it? I said, I don't know . . . my calendar has no sevens on it.
Steven Wright
Image
I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage.
Steven Wright
Image
If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?
Steven Wright
Image
What do batteries run on?
Steven Wright
Image
If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
Steven Wright
Image
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
Steven Wright