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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Would
Misspelled
Dictionary
Editing
Humor
Comedy
Word
Funny
Writing
More quotes by Steven Wright
I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
Steven Wright
I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral report. I forced myself to deal with it and not dwell on the class in front of me - to keep a straight face, give the report and concentrate on getting it right. That's normally how I perform. That's how I am.
Steven Wright
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
Steven Wright
I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
Steven Wright
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.
Steven Wright
I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.
Steven Wright
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
Steven Wright
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Steven Wright
I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.
Steven Wright
All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.
Steven Wright
If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
Steven Wright
I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
Steven Wright
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Steven Wright
Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram.
Steven Wright
My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.
Steven Wright
Having sex with her is incredible. It's just like a concert. We throw Frisbees around the room. And when she wants more she lights a match.
Steven Wright
I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.
Steven Wright
When I was a fetus, I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping. I figured I should start stealing stuff while I still had no fingerprints.
Steven Wright
If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them
Steven Wright
At one point he decided enough was enough.
Steven Wright
