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I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Food
Racing
Funny
Suicide
Death
Drive
Way
Fast
Inspire
Health
Bikers
Humor
Cholesterol
Worry
Motorcycle

More quotes by Steven Wright

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Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
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A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.
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I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.
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I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.
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Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
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I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.
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Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
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One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.
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A fool and his money are soon partying.
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
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I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
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The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
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Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as '4's'?
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I'm used to seeing it, but it's weird having an Academy Award. You usually only see one of them on the TV show when they give them out, so it's kind of surreal to have one in your house.
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.
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I bought some powdered water, but I don’t know what to add.
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
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Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
Steven Wright